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Big Little Lies Recap—Episode 5

Big Little Lies Recap—Episode 5

This week on Big Little Lies, more familial issues abound for all of our favorite dysfunctional Monterey gals. Their connected but separate plots have all thickened and it feels as though we’re close to the bubbling point for the tensions that eventually drive one of these parents to commit murder.

With the help of Madeline and Celeste, Jane has tracked down a man who she suspects may be her son Ziggy’s father, and the man who sexually assaulted her. The girls decide to hunt him down and scope him out, to see if Jane recognizes him from that fateful night. But once Madeline hears about Jane’s frequent visits to the shooting range for target practice, she becomes concerned their upcoming reconnaissance mission may not be a good idea after all. Madeline tells her husband about the plan and he immediately objects to them going without him. So Jane decides to go by herself.

Madeline and her husband have their own problems to deal with after she is in a car accident while with another man, and one she's had an affair with in the past at that. Madeline’s husband Ed doesn't know about the affair, but he also doesn't really seem to buy Madeline’s reasons for being in the play director’s car in the first place.

Meanwhile, Celeste seeks help from her marriage councilor alone and finally starts to admit the depth of her husband’s abuse.

Jane is also dealing with more accusations against her son from the school and Renata Klein. Renata discovers a bite mark on her daughter’s shoulder and is immediately convinced it must've been Ziggy, though her daughter refuses to say who it was.

In the last episode, a child psychologist assured Jane that her son was kind and caring, and definitely not a bully. Yet after the continued accusations from Renata that Ziggy is indeed hurting her little girl, Jane can't help but wonder. When she and Madeline are talking about these newest claims of bullying she asks, “what if she’s right?” Jane is worried that her son may have somehow become violent like his father, yet feels she has nobody to blame but herself if that's true.

She is being crushed by the overwhelming and unanswerable parenthood question myself and I'm sure many others have faced - what if my best as a mom isn't good enough, and I fail my child somehow?

While I have a strong suspicion this particular worry is common,that doesn't make it any easier to put out of my mind or even begin to try and answer. It's something I think about often, usually during my weakest moments. I worry about a lot of things as a mom. The fear that I will somehow limit my child because of my inability to give her enough is chief among those worries. I try to tell myself it's a good thing I worry. That it means I care enough, so much, to always be trying to be and do the best I can for Skye.

I suppose that's all that really matters. Because to her, I am always good enough, and that, is good enough for me.

Categories: Milennial Mom

Morgan Armstad

Morgan Armstad is a part-time writer and waitress, as well as a full-time mom to her incredible daughter Skye. She loves to read, dance and eat Milano cookies. She graduated spring 2016 from the University of Montana in Missoula with a degree in journalism with a history minor. Morgan is currently working and writing at Mamalode magazine in Missoula and has written for the website VProud.
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