It finally happened. You fell asleep. Laying on me though, not in your crib. This has been the norm the past week as your tiny body fights this nasty virus. Normally I am dead against you sleeping anywhere but in your crib, but I must admit, I love every minute of it.
For 40-plus hours every week we are not able to enjoy moments like these. Being a working mom is a love-hate relationship.
I simply want more time with you.
I love being in your room with the house so quiet that the only noise I could hear is the humming of the heating system and your motor-like breathing. Just you, me and our cuddles. These have been, and always will be, one of my absolute favorite times with you. From when I was home on maternity leave and desperately trying to get you into a napping routine, to the weekends when trying to calm you from the hyper play time with your brother, to this week when you are so sick that you just want to be held. These times, when it's just you, me and the stillness of the house, are times I will cherish forever.
Why do I love these times you may wonder? You will always want to cuddle for years to come, you say with your brown eyes as they fight to stay open. Maybe true (I hope so), but you won't always be small enough to rest your head in the corner of my neck, straddle across my stomach and tuck your petite little hands under your tummy as you get into your sleepy position. You will grow. You will get bigger and the day will come (whether we realize it or not) that our special time—in this special position, in your quite room of our quite house—will be gone.
The time will come when you don't need to rest with me to get into your sleepy zone. There will come a time when you will just want to go right into your bed after we read a story. There will come a time that you will just be too big to sit with me this way. And there will be many times when the house won't be this quite, and we won't have all the time in the world to just sit, cuddle, bond, and sleep—just you and me.
Our special time will evolve into a new special time, in a new special place with just me and you, but it won't be the same. You will be older, as will I. Our lives will be different from what I can even imagine—and that's ok. That will be great too, but it won't be just like this. Like these moments, right now.
I hear it everywhere. At work, from family and friends to the stranger behind me in Starbucks last week. “Enjoy this time, it goes by fast,” they say. So even though the house is a mess, I’m behind on laundry, emails, and checking out of the three different retails sites that have items in a cart waiting for payment, I just don't want to do anything but hold you and enjoy the moment.
I want nothing more than more time with you.
Even when it feels like there is all the time in the world, there is not enough time at all.