I get it. We’re moms. Of babies. Our kids look beautiful. While pushing our gorgeous little ones on the swings at the playground, we fade into the bleak background, looking like their overworked, underpaid assistants, with spit-up stained shirts, snot on our yoga pants, and dirty hair for days. After spending all day in the wasteland of regurgitated milk and sweet potato puree, what’s a couple of small stains on our clothes? We’re actually winning! Aren’t we?
Until we step out of the house and walk down the street. Who are these gorgeous people? Why are they so put-together? Remember when we wore pencil skirts like that? Remember when Fit-Flops were not our shoe of choice? Remember makeup?
Fear not, mammas. Use these tips to face the world fresh-faced, even though you only got 3 full hours of sleep last night.
Tip 1: Flesh-toned eyeliner – Sounds so creepy, works so well. A little of this on your lower lids and you’ll look bright-eyed no matter how many diaper-explosions you handled at 3am. Bloodshot eyes, be gone!
Tip 2: Curled Eyelashes – The easiest trick in the book, and eyelash curlers are available at any drugstore. This will open up your eyes and your face, making you seem more alert. You may actually be able to make small talk in the elevator with that nosy old lady from 15c.
Tip 3: Large Sunglasses – Instantly chic, large sunglasses are perfect for hiding those dark circles, courtesy of the teething/growing/sick/insert-any-inexplicable-ailment-here baby. And of course, when you haven’t had your industrial sized cup of morning coffee, they can help disguise your identity. Honorable mention to how you can also stare at what everyone else is wearing while silently judging them from behind your veil of darkness.
Tip 4: Bright lips – The best makeup pick-me-up around. Especially useful when topped with a hastily-assembled bun and the afore-mentioned sunglasses. You may even get complimented on the color. A compliment? Directed at you? Score!
Tip 5: Dry Shampoo – Buy it in bulk. You and I know that washing your hair twice a week is a bold faced lie. Plus it smells good so, you know, fake it til you make it to that long, hot shower.
Whether you’re heading to the office, playground, or just out for a quick breather – you can now venture forth in the confidence that you do NOT look like a cast member of the Walking Dead. More importantly, you may even start to feel a little more like your old self. At least, back to a time when your name wasn’t “Mommy!”