After that immense loss, I never thought I would have another child. The issues I was dealing with at the time seemed insurmountable and I was sure it wasn’t in me. But I eventually overcame my insecurities and had my Rainbow Baby.

I held my smile as they passed, thinking about that precious shift in my life when I was a new mom and my husband and I transformed from a couple into a family of three and remembered: it didn't feel precious. It felt like hell. I felt like a complete idiot. 

But my second kid? A lot has changed since then. You'll see.

My eyes welled with tears as I sat her down on the grass for the very first time. I watched with so many emotions as she leaned forward and grabbed hold of the earth with both tiny hands. Even as she tumbled and got a face-full of dirt I was smiling.

I must admit, from where I sit, here in a rocker in a corner of the nursery, the future looks daunting. Terrifying. Overwhelming.