As a mom, these are 10 things I never thought I would hear myself say…

1. Get off of your sister.

2. Nothing goes into that hole. Nothing. That is an exit only hole. Understood?

3. Just hand me your booger.

4. Don’t flush, I need to look at it.

5. I’ll give you 20 dollars if you stop talking.

6. Spit it into my hand!

7. Good Lord! What did you eat? A dead person?

8. (To my daughter) Careful on that pole sweetie, it’s slippery.

9. Do NOT lick the wall of a public restroom! You know what, don’t lick any
walls.

10. No, it wasn’t a raisin. How about you don’t eat things you find on the ground at the park?

What have you said to your kids that you never thought you'd hear yourself say?

About the Author

Jessica Garvin

Jessica Garvin is a single mom of two, Jessica is just trying to find the funny, in what is most likely NOT funny; like morning school drop off zones, booger walls and the "perfect" room mom. You can read more from Jessica at and follow her daily attempts at finding the funny on .