My daughter is a sass machine—she exudes a fiery attitude from her every pore. To say she is strong-willed would be putting it lightly. She is unbreakable once she decides what she wants.
In her mind, her way is always the best way, and any other must be met with giant tears of refusal.
To have any chance of acquiescence, she needs every negative answer to be followed by a detailed explanation—and even then, she’ll continue to argue against the reasonability of said explanations. Constantly full of energy and emotions, she can go from laughter to full-blown toddler tantrum in two seconds flat.
Some days I feel completely drained by 10 a.m.—exhausted by the sheer force of my daughter’s will.
I’ve found no shortage of other parents writing and blogging about their strong-willed child. The message is usually the same—the traits that drive parents of strong-willed children the most insane now are the same qualities that can make them into more independent and self-motivated adults later. And these traits should be nurtured, not discouraged.
Strong-willed children are not being difficult, but rather “spirited” or “courageous.” The persistence and assertiveness that our willful children display now will eventually ensure their successes.
I’ll admit it paints a pretty picture, but those ideas of future glory really aren’t much for consolation now.
While my strong-willed daughter is repeatedly refusing to take no for an answer, it makes me no less frustrated thinking that her ability for such ardent refusal could someday be used to her advantage.
As my patience is worn thinner daily, I must constantly remind myself to try different approaches. Things like using compromises rather than demanding the immediate responses I want from my daughter. She will never be the quiet, complacent type and I know I should accept that, even revel in it.
I also know, but don’t always readily admit, that she is completely the byproduct of my own personality. Whenever I make a comment to someone about my daughter’s excellent capabilities for sass, the immediate response is always, “I wonder where she could have gotten that from?”
Really, it shouldn’t surprise me that a daughter of mine would have a will of iron, an independence bordering on the obnoxious and sassy attitude in droves. Staring into her determined eyes, I often feel as if I’m looking into a mirror – my own unbending stubbornness reflected back at me.
Maybe that’s the reason I find our constant battle of wills so exhausting, I’m arguing with a tiny version of myself.
Remembering that in the heat of an argument is something I often struggle to do; yet I know it’s something that could come to my great advantage. I know what encourages or deters me best, knowledge I can use to better handle my mini-human’s emotions. If you want me to do something, just tell me I can’t do it and I’ll work twice as hard to prove you wrong. Reverse psychology is one of many new tools I’ve started pulling out of my belt when Skye refuses to back down.
As much as I struggle to keep my daughter’s strong will in check, I will never try to squash it out of her. She is strong-willed, but because of that she is also determined, independent, confident and persistent. At four years old she has already acquired important traits that some people go their whole lives without.
One day I know I will revel in her strong-will; I’ll just have to keep picking my battles until the day comes when she goes off and uses it to conquer the world.
***
About the Author
This month we are delighted to partner with the State of Montana on a really cool national story-telling campaign called “THE SKY'S THE LIMIT.” For Montana, this project – including a special edition of Mamalode magazine and accompanying video series – features heartfelt stories about life, work and play under the big sky. But whether we are here or there, sky's the limit is about dreams come true, being your best self, letting your imagination lead and perhaps, conquering the impossible.