As a girl I read all the romance books. I wanted to imagine what it would be like, to fall in love, have sex. It was all 'sweep you off your feet' romantic. The woman had a twinge of pain when she lost her virginity. It never hurt again. If she was sore, it was a minor inconvenience of soreness. There was no mention the next day, like the feeling of saddle-chafed thighs. To say I was misled by romance books is an understatement. I still read them though. I can't help it, I am a romantic at heart!

While pregnant every told me to do yoga to build up my pelvic floor, yet they only hinted at the reason. The strange part was no one mentioned I would have to rebuild it after pushing my baby out. It wasn't until my six week postpartum visit that my midwife mentioned kegels. I had a partial third degree tear so I was really not interested in tightening anything in that region what-so-ever. After having an almost nine-pound baby I had no interest in anything else going in there for several months.

It wasn't until years later that my midwife and I had that discussion. The whole idea of exercises specifically for that area just made me squirm in my seat. It is not like a pelvic exam is really a comfortable thing to begin with. Clenching muscles with something in there gauging how I did, talk about awkward and uncomfortable. On one hand I thought, we are done having kids so do we really even have to do that? Isn't snuggling in bed enough? 

When I read the book, Sex Without Pain: A Self-Treatment Guide to the Sex Life You Deserve by Heather Jeffcoat, it felt a lot like talking with a close girlfriend. It was realistic and very reassuring at the same time. It was an excellent book to read in a bath tub at night. I try to carve out 10 minutes for a bath. I know 10 minutes is not long but its enough to at least get a breather. I need a book that I can read quick little sections at a time. Truthfully, it also made it very convenient to “feel” out what she was talking about. It seemed a lot less awkward to me then to lie in bed. When it came to the exercises and things to do, I found the warm water also helped. As a prevention, I did not use bath bubbles or soap for these baths.

The thing to remember in reading this book is, it is not going to fix the problem by the time your done reading it. It is most likely not something you are doing wrong. It does go a long way in reassuring you that there is a solution. This book, paired with a doctor's visit to review what you have learned and the exercises, will move you towards the sex life you want. 

Grab your copy here!

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About the Author

Erin Fangboner

Life with Chronic illnesses while also being a parent and a wife and how all the little things turn into big things , so it all matters! One kid One husband , we live with my brother in law, three dogs, three cats…. Insanity. I worked in Early childhood education have also worked in Misdemeanor Probation. Working full time and keeping house and being a parent became too much about two years ago. I have been trying to find my way back to me since then. Some of that has been through writing on my blog, .