I was in a deep depression when I found out I was pregnant with you. Months before you existed, I struggled to get out of bed, to go to work, and to be in my own skin. It didn’t matter what I tried, I continued to drown in life and there seemed to be no help in sight. Then seemingly out of nowhere, you came along. You became the light that guided me out of the darkest place I have ever been. For that I am forever thankful and I hope I can repay the debt.
Our journey together has been remarkable and I am overwhelmed with happiness when I reminisce about the times we have shared together so far. From the moment I felt that first kick, I knew my life would never again be the same.
I remember how excited I felt the day the doctor told me I was having a girl. That joy quickly turned to numbness when she also shared the sonogram showed signs you might have Down Syndrome.
You didn’t cry at first after you were born and I panicked not knowing what was going on. I held my breath, fearing the worst. Then you let out the sweetest cry. In that moment I promised to always be there to comfort you and make you feel secure.
When I finally got to hold you, my heart was already yours, Down Syndrome or not. I was grateful when the doctor pronounced that you were Down Syndrome free and I promised to always treasure you for the miracle that you are.
I couldn’t keep my eyes off you and spent hours staring at you. I remember like yesterday the first time you flashed me your gummy smile that sent my heart all a flutter. I felt pure bliss. In that moment I promised to cherish every moment I got to spend with you.
Watching you learn how to walk showed me how strong willed and determined you are. Even though you stumbled and fell several times, each time you would pick yourself up and keep on trying. In that moment I promised to believe in you and trust that you can do anything you set your mind to.
You have always been strong willed and that first temper tantrum came as no surprise. As I watched your arms and legs flail about and listened to you cry uncontrollably, I promised to be patient with you and to love you through all the ups and downs we are certain to experience.
As you got older, I began to worry about you being able to separate from me. I was fortunate enough to be able to stay home with you. While this was a blessing, I worried it might make it hard for you to be away from me. Then one day while we were at the park you let go of my hand to go play with the other kids on the slide. In that moment I promised that when the time came, I would let go and allow you to make your own choices.
I don’t have all the answers and I’m sure I will screw up along the way. However, I promise to do my best to be the mother that you need. I promise to accept you as you are regardless of my dreams for you. I promise to be the keeper of your heart and to protect it as best as I can.
Above all, I promise to love you with every inch of who I am.