Where oh where did my mo-jo go?
I had the usual post-baby-no-way-did-I-feel-like-having-sex stuff that goes along with being sticky, smelly, exhausted, empty stretched-bellied, big boob-ed and not to mention, having just worked very, very hard to get something OUT of my vagina. So that was to be expected.
But all of a sudden my kids are, well, KIDS and really have no impact on my hygiene, figure or lack of sex drive. This dry spell is all me.
I am a solutions person, so it seemed like fate when lo-and-behold the winner of our mamalode business contest happened to be a clinical sexologist. So I congratulated her for winning and made an appointment for myself.
Not surprisingly, my hubby was all for it and generously agreed to come home from work so I could go. Note to self—schedule a haircut to piggyback onto sex appointments as getting childcare is so easy. But all jokes aside, he was game and I believe relieved to see that I also was thinking my lack of sex drive was an issue.
I WANT to want sex. I do. But man, give me a bed at night and I turn 85 years old and want nothing more than my hot water bottle, a good pillow and my night mouth-guard. Anyone who wants to interfere with this bliss doesn’t stand a chance. Sorry, Dude.
So off I went to my appointment. I tried to be cool, but really found myself a bit of a prude as we got started. I was nervous. I am an overachiever and admitting that I was not keeping a healthy balance was very difficult for me. But I wasn’t healthy and I wasn’t balanced. I think too much, I need more exercise and I need to make a conscious effort to get myself turned on.
‘Cause you see, my hubby is great. He is hot. He likes to dance. He has nice smile lines and big shoulders. But the less I wanted sex, the more he did and frankly that becomes unattractive—in both of us. Yuck, we were sex hell. Or maybe purgatory. We just kept waiting. Waiting to be less busy, tired, interrupted, bored.
After my first couple of appointments we are getting better with a few ground rules (like no computer or TV from 8-10 at night, and seriously what else is there to do BUT each other?) and some hot new underwear. Sex in bed is still not as attractive as sleep in that bed, but did you know that you can have sex in other places? I had totally forgotten that along with the entire notion of morning sex. It is still a choice I have to make—gone are the days of college and being perpetually horny. But I love that guy, and I love myself and think that there is more to it than orgasms (thank goodness)—it is a way for us to connect, comfort and communicate when really there is nothing left to say.
And an orgasm or two won’t hurt either.
Editor's Note: This piece was originally published on our website in May 2010. We're happy to report that your sex life does get better, especially as the kiddos get older!