Mom, Can I Have a Threesome?

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“Mom, can I have a threesome?”

What?

Oh my god.

Holy hell.

Stunned mom blinking at her 10-year-old son. Yes, TEN.

After the initial shock of the question I came up with this response “Um. What do you mean by that?”

“Oh, I want to have a two friends spend the night” he said.

The heavens opened. My son didn’t want a threesome. He wanted a sleepover.

“Sure…(pause)… but when you call them, don’t ask if they want to come over for a threesome.” The friends he wanted to invite both have teenage brothers. I can only imagine the lasting legend of the time they planned a threesome without knowing what the heck they were talking about.

“Why not? What’s a threesome?”

Hmmmm. Now I was cornered. I am raising sons in the shadow of the Internet. If I don’t answer him, he will ask Google and Google will answer. In terrifying detail.

So I jumped in.

“Well, a threesome is when a grownup has sex with more than one other grownup at a time.”

Him, now the one blinking. He nodded. He called his buddies. He did not ask him for a threesome.

Crisis averted.

Temporarily.

My husband had been out of town for the whole threesome incident (oh, god, even saying that seems so wrong. I die.) As my hubby walked in the door, and before I had a chance to fill him in, my son says “Mom. I’ve been thinking about that threesome thing.”

The look my husband gave me is beyond words, but it most closely resembled a mix of shock, confusion and what-in-the-hell-happens-around-here-when-I-am-out-of-town?

My sweet son continues, “How does it work?”

Now both my husband and my son are looking at me. Blinking.

At times like this, when I absolutely don’t know how to answer my kids I pull out the old standby—I ask it back.

“How do YOU think it works?” My logic was that he would tell me what he could handle.

“Well, Mom, it sounds really complicated and like a lot of moving around.”

“Exactly. That is exactly how a threesome works.” I said.

My son walked away– hopefully with enough information to not need to Google it (and yes, we have internet controls. But the truth is their friends have devices and phones and all kinds of filter-less opportunities to ask “How does a threesome work?”)

I sat back. We talked though it enough for the time being. Somehow the word threesome had crossed his path, but we were navigating.

Whew.

“Um…” said my still stunned husband.

***

About the Author

Anonymous Mom

This mama chose to remain anonymous.

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February 2015 – XO
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