I was sitting at the island in my kitchen, face glued to my laptop and a buffet of paperwork spread out all around me. Across from me, my daughters sat. They had snacks. They had juice. They had homework and a coloring book to keep them occupied. Yet they were still doing their best to drive each other insane, dragging me along with them in the process. I just needed FIVE MORE MINUTES to finish my stack of editing for the day. Five. But somehow we all devolved into a yelling, whining, snapping, not very nice gaggle of irritation.
They had things to keep them busy. What else did they want?!
Oh. Me. They wanted me, my attention and I was swatting them away like flies. What a shitty excuse for a mother.
It's so easy to get trapped like unsuspecting bugs in a web of our own failures. It starts off innocent enough. I'm not as present as I should be. And before you know it, you have become so entangled in your own shortcomings you can't find your way out. I should really create more of a separation between work and home. I should play more games with the kids. I should stop getting frustrated so easily and ban yelling. I should make their Halloween costumes from scratch and feed them only locally grown, organic foods and get rid of all processed snacks. And one-on-one time. I should definitely give them more one-on-one time. Soon, there doesn't seem to be any way out. You're completely cocooned in a super strength blanket of your own shittiness and you'll just have to get used to the fact that you suck. Hard.
But what if it didn't have to be that way? What if, instead of bruising and battering myself at the end of the day with all of the should haves and not enoughs, I took a step back and looked at all of the ways in which I was awesome? Instead of living in a land of negativity, we can choose to see the seemingly elusive brighter side.
Instead of making lists in our heads of all of the things we're not good enough at, why don't we take stock of the ways we're awesome? Let's celebrate how much we kick ass.
I did yoga!
I took a shower today!
I made sure my little one had her show and tell!
I did three loads of laundry—and even put them away!
I got both of my kids fed and dressed and to school on time!
If we make it a rule to remember what we're good at, all of the suckiness starts to slowly melt away. Suddenly I'M THE WORST turns into, I'm not so bad. I do my best. And all I can do is try to be better.
So mommas, I beg of you: try it for just one day. Celebrate all of the things that you were good at. Sit yourself down with a nice hunk of chocolate and some Netflix and pat yourself on the back. I have a feeling that it won't be as hard as you think.