My depression didn't disappear just because I had kids. The depression still comes in waves. But my kids have given me a new set of eyes to see life with.

If there’s one thing my sweet boy has taught me, it’s that worst case scenarios happen, but best case ones do, too.

Dear New Mom, You were oblivious of me, watching you from across the room, as you wait for your husband get a haircut. In fact, you seemed oblivious to pretty much everything around you, except for the young infant on your lap. 

I want to dive into the present and future with my son, not shy away from it because I am worried these are my glory days with him as a young mom.

1. Pooping alone. Number one thing.

All you need to do is meet their every wavering need and you too can have the happiest, most well-adjusted baby in the land

But there's a sensation creeping up on me that I am distinctly familiar with. The baby bug. The fever.

After that immense loss, I never thought I would have another child. The issues I was dealing with at the time seemed insurmountable and I was sure it wasn’t in me. But I eventually overcame my insecurities and had my Rainbow Baby.

I held my smile as they passed, thinking about that precious shift in my life when I was a new mom and my husband and I transformed from a couple into a family of three and remembered: it didn't feel precious. It felt like hell. I felt like a complete idiot. 

But my second kid? A lot has changed since then. You'll see.