Dear Stuff,
I am writing to inform you that I am resigning from my position as Stuff Manager for the Townes Household, effective April 5, 2015. I hope you find that 40 days is ample notice to find a replacement for the position, or to restructure as necessary.
When I began this position nearly 15years ago, I never dreamed that this organization would grow to its current size. What started as a meager position (and an even more meager salary) managing only 400 square feet of minimal stuff has more than tripled in fifteen years, and expanded in both scope and mission. I have tried my best to keep pace with this growth, implementing new systems of organization and streamlined processes. I have hired and trained assistant managers (who also complain about the meager pay) and have even implemented numerous systems of sticks and carrots to provide external motivation when the intrinsic fails. As one assistant manager aptly pointed out just this week, it seems that each time we try to eliminate the ever-growing quantity of stuff, we only manage to keep pace with the Acquisitions Department.
I know it is customary at this point in a resignation letter to thank you for the opportunities for professional and personal development, or to express the the enjoyment I've experienced in my position as Stuff Manager over the years. Forgive me if I fall short of this expectation, but know that I hold myself wholly responsible for the length of this completely mismatched employment. The fault is mine, and mine alone. There is nothing you, dear stuff, could have done to provide more meaning to this position. There are not enough beautiful baskets, built-in organization systems, or carefully curated pins on Pinterest to develop a love of stuff management in the heart of one who longs to manage a lighter load. Moreover, as I develop other professional interests, I find that my role as Stuff Manager is a time-consuming distraction from pursuing my actual passions. As Peace Pilgrim once said, “Anything you cannot relinquish when it has outlived its usefulness possesses you, and in this materialistic age a great many of us are possessed by our possessions.”
If there is any way I can be of help during this transition, please let me know. I stand ready to assist in the search process for my replacement(s), and will do all that I can over the next 40 days to find new managers for each and every object of stuff that needs to relocate due to my resignation. I will continue to train the assistant managers within the organization to manage the stuff that remains. I will not, however, continue to manage superfluous stuff at the end of this 40 day notice, and at such time, all stuff that does support the values of this organization will be unscrupulously discarded.
Sincerely,
Jess Townes
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