I can hardly watch this without pitting out and feeling my stomach lurch. Public speaking was a deeply rooted fear of mine for a very long time—one I had to dig deep to get through. I knew it would be an important part of my job as a publisher of Mamalode so a few years ago I said yes to every speaking opportunity—luncheons, events, classes.

If there is anything I know, it is this: Success will not be found in my comfort zone.

My comfort zone is where I find things like soft blankets, lukewarm tea and gluten free cookies. My ambition doesn’t fit there.

This talk was particularly terrifying. I have gotten good at telling the story of Mamalode—off the cuff anecdotes and lessons and a rousing Q&A. Usually my nerves are part of the charm. But I wanted this speech to be about something more universal. I did not want to just recount my business. I wanted to talk to people.

TEDxTalks are structured—to be memorized and coached and timed. Slides. Lights. Livestream. Video. TEDxTalks are worthy of the million trips I took to the bathroom while my stomach churned.

I did my rehearsal the day prior and it was awful—I couldn’t get my slides to work, scrambled to redo them, didn’t have it memorized, couldn’t time it out. We did not get to hold our slide clicker so we had to work with someone else but my slides were more visual than text. In more than one moment did I try to figure out how the hell to back out—I felt sick, I wanted to go home, I wanted an out.

But I stayed.

I skipped the evening event and went to my hotel room and said the speech over and over to my husband, basically all night. He gallantly took on the role of my slide clicker and practiced with me. I said it again. And again.

I said it all the next morning. I repeated it right up until I went on stage.

And lo and behold I knew it. I watch it, with sweat and stomach aches, but I know I pulled it off. Was it perfect? Far from it. Did I get everything right? Nope and I am aware of some of the mistakes, painfully so. But, it is this simple: I did it.

It is done. I stand by the main message in all of it’s simplicity.

And I am proud of myself for pushing through the fear. So here it is, for you, a bit of my of my sweat and a twisting belly, and a lot of my heart.