Written by Jenna Wicks
My husband, John Wicks, is the drummer for Fitz and The Tantrums. The band started six years ago when we lived in L.A.—a place full of talented and very seasoned musicians. It is because of this, and a few right time-right place moments that the band catapulted on to the scene. They've been on Letterman, Leno, Fallon, Kimmel, Ellen, The Today Show, Good Morning America and more. Their music has been used in a ton of commercials, numerous TV shows and blockbuster movies.
They've toured with Flogging Molly, Maroon 5, Dave Matthews and Bruno Mars. Fitz & The Tantrums has played the main stage at the biggest festivals in front of 40,000 people and sold out headlining shows all over the states. They were labeled a “Band To Watch” by Rolling Stone and named the “Hardest Working Band” by Vogue. I can attest to that last one. They tour constantly.
John and I met when I was 21. It was a fall on your face, attached at the hip, can't get enough of you kind of romance. I was head over heels instantly for this amazing musician with a drive like I have never seen, who made me feel like the most special girl in the world. After six months of dating, we looked at each other like, “what just happened?” It was lovely. It still is. He is the most loving, caring, loyal husband and dedicated father. He makes me laugh. Watching him on stage floors me. Every time.
Six years ago, while still living in L.A., we went through a high-risk multiple pregnancy and the birth of our amazing twin daughters, Ruby and Betty. We stumbled in a sleepless daze through the intensity of that first year of being new and clueless parents to two little helpless humans. And now the challenge of living in what seems like separate worlds; John in a different city every night playing for thousands of screaming fans and me holding down the fort and feeling like a single parent most of the time.
John is on tour an average of 18 days a month—sometimes he’s gone 9 days, sometimes 28. He is out there in a blur of all night long bus drives, sound checks, packed shows, meet and greets with fans, promotional junkets, video shoots, recording sessions, plane rides all on very little sleep and all too aware of the fact that he is missing some of the biggest milestones in his children’s lives. He is constantly searching high and low for a quiet, private place that he can FaceTime or Skype with us so he can read to the girls or to just wish them good morning or good night. He tries desperately to connect with two five-year-olds through technology. It’s tricky and it doesn’t always go like he wants it to. He does it, over and over, no matter what time of day it is wherever he is in the world. Sometimes he has just come off stage, dripping with sweat, after playing for 20,000 people and he reads Wacky Wednesday for the 100th time via grainy video.
It’s a crazy way to raise a family! But now that the girls are five, I'm trying to figure who I am as an individual within motherhood. I'm dedicating my precious hours to becoming a certified Pilates instructor. I fit study time in after bedtime, during movie nights, or wherever I can squeeze it in. From wake-up to bedtime, I move as fast as I can to keep up with everything that has to be done. Most importantly, I'm trying to be a good mother. I want to engage my children and listen, even though I am exhausted and miss my partner. The girls miss their dad too, so I feel like it's even more important that they feel safe and supported while he is gone.
People often ask me what it is like to be the one at home—to hold everything together while he's rockin' out somewhere. There are times when I log on to some social media after just cleaning up puke or dealing with the worst tantrum ever, to see John’s post of his recent coffee shop find or an amazing town he just experienced through a 12-mile run. I seethe with jealousy. I can’t quite imagine what it would be like to meander through a few hours of a day, by yourself. But the grass is always greener and I truly wouldn’t trade places with him. I need to be here with our girls, cultivating our home.
I knew who he was 19 years ago when I fell in love with him. Watching him fulfill his dream beyond what he imagined as I fulfill my dream of having this beautiful family is more than I could have ever hoped for. I know he is with us no matter where his music takes him. We know this is all just temporary. Eventually the band will die out—the fans fade or the musicians have enough of the tour life and we’ll be on our next adventure, together.
The Real Fitz and The Tantrums from Mamalode on Vimeo.
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About the Author
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