Last week, I reached out to a number of my fellow “millennial moms” to ask them a few questions about the things that matter most to them. In their answers I found humor, comfort, and so much love. And one thing that quickly became abundantly clear was just how similar all our joys and challenges are as fellow moms. We all hope the same hopes, fear the same fears, and feel fit to burst from the same joys.

With so many wonderful responses to my questions, I just couldn’t bear to let any of them go unshared. Because making connections with my fellow moms, is one of the things that matters most to me.

As a mom, what are your biggest fears? These can be the big picture fears, or the daily worries, or both. What keeps you up at night, what are the things you think about when you allow yourself to worry for your child(ren)?

Jessi – My biggest fears as a mom are losing my children, either to a sudden death or something beyond my control. I also fear that I’m not the best mom I can be, especially right now being a military mom and spouse. I have to leave them all the time for Army schools and training. I fear that they will forget me while I’m away, or that I’m damaging them by not being there for them every day of their beautiful and precious lives. I often stay up at night asking myself if I was too hard on them that day, did I discipline them too much or not enough, did I hold them and kiss them and tell them how much I loved them enough that day?

Sabrina – The thing that I fear most is something bad happening to my baby girl, or that I will lose her. I am also constantly worried about her safety, that she’ll take a fall that she can’t get back up from. I often fear that I’m not doing enough for her. In fact, sometimes it feels like there isn’t anything that I don’t worry about these days.

Brittney – My biggest fear is that I am not providing enough for my children, both financially and emotionally. I am constantly stressed about stretching our money to cover daycare, diapers, groceries, and all the other expenses of having kids while still being able to afford fun stuff like movies and swimming lessons and occasional treats, not to mention saving for big things like our wedding and a house. I don’t want them to ever be aware of the reality of that struggle. In a less tangible sense, I worry that I am not “there” enough for my kids – that I let the distractions of work, running, and school get in the way of my emotional availability to my kids. I try each day to spend some time where my attention is devoted entirely to connecting with them, but I always worry that it is not enough.

Kayla – My greatest fears are not being a good enough mom, for whatever reasons, or losing my children too early. I’ve always been strangely afraid to get rid of anything of my son’s, because I want to save all his memories in case I lose him young and I need them to cherish and hold on to. As far as being a good mom goes, I think there is a lot of mom shaming that is a part of it. But I know that I’m trying to be a good mom and that’s all that matters.

Now the flip side, what are the greatest joys you’ve come to know as a mom? What things bring you so much happiness you feel fit to burst? In what ways has being a mom improved your life?

Jessi – The first truly happy mommy moment for me was the day I heard their heartbeat for the first time, and the happiness grew with every movement and kick from my belly! The best part about having to leave my kids is coming home to them and their open arms, running at me though the airport screaming “MOMMY!” I honestly can’t remember what my life was like before I became a mom. My life must have been so boring, and clean!

Sabrina – Seeing my child happy. Watching her smile, giggle and dance around makes me so happy I feel like I could literally burst. It’s amazing how just watching her sit and play brings me so much joy. Every day I get to watch her learn, grow and develop her own personality, and that’s what makes parenthood so fulfilling for me. Becoming a mom has brought a sense of purpose to my life.

Brittney – My absolute greatest joy as a mom is seeing my kids learn new things and reach new milestones. I still remember the first day that my daughter put her shoes on all by herself. I had never explicitly shown her how to do it, but she had nonetheless picked it up and one day it just clicked – I was blown away. When I hear her bust out in song or “read” a book to me, I am floored by how smart she is. Additionally, like any mom, a big bear hug or a goofy smile from my kids are enough to melt my heart completely and take away any stress or pain that I have. I love the routine, the schedule, and the predictability that family life has brought. Before we had children, my fiancé and I were just wild, irresponsible, and pretty directionless kids. Our children have given us both purpose as individuals in a big picture sense, and have grounded us in our day-to-day lives. My life is still crazy, but I have it way more together now than I ever thought I would before.

Kayla – My greatest joys are watching my kids grow and learn. You never realize how proud you are until the moment they smile at you for the first time or start putting words together. As much as they drive me crazy some days, I don’t know what I would do without them. I am proud of my kids and their accomplishments every single day, even if it’s just the small things.

What are some of the biggest challenges you face as a parent?

Jessi – The biggest challenges I face as a parent would be putting my own fears aside and letting my kids live and just be kids. I stay up at night wondering if I’m doing an okay job at raising these two amazing human beings. Are they polite enough? Will they respect others and obey the rules?

Sabrina – It’s challenging as a parent to find a balance between working and being there for your child. Sometimes it’s a challenge to find the time, energy or patience just to make it through the day. I also struggle with making time for myself, and not becoming completely consumed by parenting.

Brittney – Definitely patience and discipline. It is so much easier to just give in to the tears and whining than to put my foot down and stand my ground with the rules. There’s always the voice in the back of my head telling me that timeout is too mean, or that one more movie or cup of juice won’t hurt. Crying always breaks my heart, even if it is just being employed to get their way with me.

Kayla – My biggest challenge so far has been that I’m essentially a single parent most of the time. I know that probably sounds whiney because I have a husband, and he is a great dad, but he’s gone for weeks and months at a time and when he is home sometimes goes days and weeks without seeing our kids because of work. I feel like I should have his added support, but I rarely actually do.

What matters most to you, and why? This can be what matters most in your personal life as a parent, or you can take it broad and discuss what matters most for you on a local or even national level. What is your truth, your light that keeps you going through those hard, dark days of motherhood?

Jessi – What matters most to me is the well being of my kids, and that I can be the best mother and wife my family needs. I also want to be the best role model for them – to work hard and show my little girl that she can do anything she sets her mind to, to teach my son the same thing but to also respect women always. The hardest days for me as a mom are the days I’m not with them, because of the traveling I have to do. On those days I often scroll through my photos of them, and have to try not to cry when I talk to them on the phone. I have to remind myself that I can’t call every night even though I want to hear their voices; it’s salt in the wound for them to be constantly reminded that I’m gone. But through it all, I wouldn’t change being a mom for anything in this world. It’s the most precious gift God can bestow.

Sabrina – What matters most to me is my family. They are the very best things that have ever happened to me. Being there for my daughter and stepson to show them love and kindness and respect, so they can grow up to be decent humans. That is what is most important to me.

Brittney – What matters most to me is knowing that my family is happy, and that I’ve done everything in my power to make sure that is so. I’ve never felt a passion for anything the way I do about being a mom, and it is my duty as a parent is to make sure that my kids know that being their mom is the greatest gift they could possibly give me. What keeps me going on those hard days is the knowledge that every day I have done my absolutely best that I can do, and that the love within my family is unconditional and infallible.

Kayla – What matters the most to me is that my kids know that they are loved. They won’t always be happy with the choices I make for the, God knows that will be even more true when they get older, but they will always know that they are loved. It’s like they cheesy quote, “there are a lot of ways to say I love you,” such as asking if they made it safe or reminding them to gas up before they leave. It’s always going to be the little things that I cherish most.

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About the Author

Morgan Armstad

Morgan Armstad is a part-time writer and waitress, as well as a full-time mom to her incredible daughter Skye. She loves to read, dance and eat Milano cookies. She graduated spring 2016 from the University of Montana in Missoula with a degree in journalism with a history minor. Morgan is currently working and writing at Mamalode magazine in Missoula and has written for the website VProud.