Technology and the Modern Marriage: A Love Story

Brandi Haas Relationships

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I love technology. I can’t say that I understand half of all the technology out there, but the stuff I have managed to figure out is very cool. But I am also spoiled by technology. Like when I want to know about the mating habits of the platypus, I don’t want to wait 30-45 seconds for buffering. Who has that kind of time these days? Sadly, I have become a slave to technology, never wandering too far from my phone or computer, lest I miss out on something fabulous happening somewhere in the stratosphere. I have also found that technology is slowly encroaching on my marriage.

The other night my husband and I were sitting on the couch, enjoying the quiet that comes once our daughter is in bed; he was reading mindless drivel on his iPad and I was scrolling through nonsense on my iPhone. I sent him a text.

Remember when we actually had to look at each other to talk? I sent.

Yeah, I’m glad those days are gon. He texted back.

It really helps keep our conversations to a minimum. We can totally save our energy and get to the essence of conversation quickly and efficiently. And, you do know that there is an ‘e’ at the end of ‘gone,’ right? I texted.

That was a lot of words for someone who is saving her energy. And I left the ‘e’ off on purpose. He texted.

What kind of madman just leaves letters off of words? I sent.

The kind of man who knows you love correcting him. I just gave you something to do. Your welcome. He texted.

It’s ‘you’re’ and thanks for keeping me fulfilled with your lack of grammatical prowess. I texted back.

Are we done now? He texted.

Not quite. I was thinking we need to spice things up between us. I sent.

You have my full attention. He sent back.

I want us to start using hashtags. I texted.

Hashtags? He sent while letting out a disappointed sigh.

Yes, apparently you just type a number sign by some words and it automatically makes whatever you just typed like eight times cooler. I sent.

My life’s goal has always been to be eight times cooler than my current state. He texted, the sarcasm almost palpable.

Ok, text something with a hashtag. I sent.

Why are we doing this #. He sent.

Come on, you’re not even trying. We need to try new things even if it defies all logic. We tried Red Bull during the whole energy drink craze, right? #redbull #gavemediarrhea #foraweek #letsneverdothatagain. I texted. #gotaheadachereadingthat. He sent.

#atleastitwasntdiarrhea. I sent.

Ok, we tried it. Can we stop now? And the next time you suggest we try something new, can it be something a little more risqué? He sent.




About the Author

Brandi Haas

Brandi Haas is the slightly neurotic and very sarcastic author of the new book, "Tales from Suburbia: You Don't Have to be Crazy to Live Here, But it Helps." You can also find her suburban ramblings on her Facebook page and on her .

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February 2015 – XO
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