You’re a big boy now, people say. You don’t need to crawl into bed with Mama in the middle of the night anymore.

Stay the night in my ex’s house? At the invitation of his fiancé?

You always stole my thunder. You gave them everything they wanted. You never said no whenthey asked for anything. A second helping of dessert. Candy before dinner. A few more minutesin a bath. Money for the ice cream truck.

His 5’10” lanky frame pirouetted on the red carpet in front of me. He’s so much larger than he used to be when every step he took was a ‘look at me’ step, a twirl on the trail to where he is now.

This is the strongest time of your life. This moment you are working harder than you ever will again.

Often, when I think back, the first moments to resurface amid the flotsam and debris in my mind, are the hardest ones.

Every now and then I reflect on my life and realize things never quite go as expected in this crazy journey of parenthood. It’s more than a little ironic…being a mommy is seriously one mindf**k after another.

Being a working mother doesn’t mean I have to play some impossible balancing act. It’s about discovering my rhythm and finding what works for me and my family.

The questions twist over each other like my fingers, complicated and entwined, without simple answers.

Mother's Day made assumptions that did not fit my mom. The assumptions didn’t fit me either.