These kids know me and I know them right back, start to finish.
Love Like a Niagra
In that moment, my love for her which has been tried and tested is like a Niagara flowing powerfully, freely.
Schooled
Trust me, there is a part of me (a big part) that loves seeing and being seen but after a few too many over committed weekends there is also a part of me that wants to hunker down on the farm, stay in my giving-up-on-life pants until 2 p.m. and make entire cities out of cardboard boxes with Lucille.
After the Glitter
The first seven years of our family’s story weren’t perfect – god knows – and they weren’t easy. I had no idea how large the struggle to attach with a traumatized toddler could be.
The Real Magic
But I nailed the timing this spring break. My sons are 8 and 10—straddling the divide between magic and reality. They can walk all day, carry their own stuff and are generally willing to wait for something they want.
Tiger Mama
I had a long list of places I wanted to see. I wanted my passport filled with stamps, my bones tired from bumpy bus rides on backwood roads in some distant place. But it didn’t turn out that way. The pull to stay with my family, and in my place, was so great that the best I could do was go to graduate school across the country in Oregon.
Finding Our Rhythm
Becoming a Mother was not how I imagined. I was baby bluesy, overwhelmed and under-rested. Nursing was difficult, endless and painful.
I Spy a Family
More often than not when all of the boys are having fun, I am washed with sadness and anger. I think about the what-ifs and the why-hims, and I'm filled with bitterness and envy for those families that are whole and complete.
Sweet Simplicity
Nothing worked and I am strict. I don’t bend to whining. Their stalling stretched longer and longer while my frustration reached chart-topping levels. I yelled. I ignored them except to say “clean up and we’ll talk.” I threatened. I set timers. I set specific tasks. I rewarded quick clean up with TV (that worked for two days). I suggested before each quiet time that they not dump out every single blessed toy in the basement. Nothing worked.
Pick the Day
I wasn’t drafted into motherhood. I enlisted. Eagerly. And I love being a mom. I love it when the kids sneak into bed with us in the middle of the night. I love that my son and I made it through colic to the other side. I love that he scares me to death jumping off the highest objects he can find. I love that I walk through the dining room tripping over toys I swore would never be allowed in my dining room. I love it. I just didn’t expect the bitter aftertaste that comes with it.