Bringing Sexy Back

Bonnie Robinson essays

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Nothing ruins sexy time more than three crying newborns. Add around the clock nursing sessions and waking up to a toddler in your bed, and you suddenly can't remember the last time you had sex.

After an unintentionally long sex sabbatical, my husband and I resolved to increase our sexual intimacy in the New Year. What better way to revitalize our sex life than with a self-imposed sex challenge?

The rules:
7 consecutive days
7 different locations
7 different positions

Our sex challenge was indeed a challenge. Through our successful completion (we've still got it), I learned the following lessons:

Nothing is embarrassing after childbirth.
During the challenge, we found ourselves in some compromising positions that would have mortified my 20-year-old self. Now that everything has been laid out on the table (hell, even my uterus), there's nothing to hide. If my husband can watch tiny humans come out of my body and still find me attractive, nothing is off limits.

Fake it 'til you make it.
I'm not talking about the diner scene in When Harry Met Sally here. When you aren't in the mood and your partner tries to put the moves on you, it's easy to roll over and say, “not tonight.” My husband and I followed that routine for so long, we both had to fake interest until we got each other in the mood. While I might not have been eager to initiate sex every single day of the challenge, I was always in a better mood afterwards.

Foreplay is underrated.
Every married couple has mastered the art of the quickie. Parents' schedules are dictated by their children: when they wake up, how long they nap, what TV show is on. Unfortunately, one of the side effects of mastering the quickie is the loss of foreplay. A little extra attention goes a long way.

Sexual desires can evolve.
There is a level of comfort and confidence in knowing how to please your partner. One of the perks of married sex is knowing what your spouse enjoys. However, after a decade, desires can change. New discoveries can be made only through experimentation and communication.

Married sex can still be spontaneous.
Prior to this challenge, the only time my husband and I had sex was after all four kids were sound asleep. By that time, we were both exhausted from a long day. It's no surprise we chose sleep over sex. We learned to play around with different times of day, taking advantage of any free moments we had.

A healthy sex life promotes a healthy marriage.
After the exhaustion of going from parents of one child to parents of four, there were times where I felt more like a roommate than a wife. Our love was strong but the passion had faded. We both lacked the drive. Once we intentionally made time and effort to make the other person feel desirable, the connection and intimacy overflowed into other aspects of our marriage.


About the Author

Bonnie Robinson

Bonnie is a former teacher, current stay-at-home mom to a preschooler and toddler triplets. You can read about her everyday adventures and musings on motherhood at .

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February 2015 – XO
Brought to you by – Sexplanations
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