On the Eve of Kindergarten

Sarah Grecula essays

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“Believe me Mom,
I’m not a little girl anymore”
Says my baby
With the curls in her hair

How can that be?
Yesterday you were a neat little bundle
In the crook of my arm

You’re growing up now
Making me proud
But every step along the way
Breaks my heart

I’m still getting used to being a mom
Of a footie-pajamas wearing little girl
My heart cracks with new love for you
Each and every day

But my mind is just not ready
For you to be this twiggy
Stretched out little thing
With a big vocabulary

Big dreams, big talents
On the tip of a cliff
Soon to soar on

Today everyone you love is family
Contained in a bubble
Your friends are all relations
But that won’t be true tomorrow

You are the greatest thing
I’ve ever done
I used to fear motherhood would eat my life
And it has
But in the best possible way

You’ve burned my extraneous blurry edges
Down to clean metal
Just the essentials

Made a woman out of me
Made a mother out of me

Long ago I got in the habit
Of underreacting
Playing it cool
Erasing the telltale signs of too big feelings

Always wary of being caught
Feeling too much
But with you I am free
To not give a damn

I live and die by you
And that loves makes me cry at the smallest of things
Unashamed, even brave
My soft spot for you is as big as the ocean
A badge of honor

Believe me daughter
You will always be my baby

About the Author

Sarah Grecula

Sarah lives in Woodbury, Minnesota with her husband, six year old daughter and infant son. Her greatest pride is reserved for her children but earning her bachelor's degree last year while mothering and working full-time is a close second. She loves to read, write and chase her dreams while helping her family pursue their own.

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