When Sorry Isn’t Enough

Emily Farrell essays

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We were close friends
Both challenged by life
Listening and talking
Cooking dinner and drinking wine
While our boys played
Sometimes my husband played with them as we chatted
His silliness and eagerness to engage worth noticing
Attractive even?
I hadn’t noticed
Somehow I had missed it in our daily grind of whose turn it was to do the bedtime routine
But you noticed

There is still so much I don’t understand
As my confusion swirls it turns to rage
A feeling I would do anything to destroy
Obliterating it into resolution
But the feelings always seem to resurface
A complicated labyrinth I continue to navigate

In regards to parenting and marriage 
A true friend once said “be like water”
So I let my feelings gush
I let them run and course and discharge
Sometimes it’s just a small drip
Other times it’s a spurt bubbling up and then falling away
Sometimes it’s a steady outpouring
Gushing, oozing and seeping out everywhere
A plethora of movement
An outflow of emotion

Be like water

And somehow the flood takes my pain away
This river of deceit becomes movement towards peace
Everything falls into place
I have so much to be thankful for
And in the end he loved me more


About the Author

Emily Farrell

Emily is a stay at home mom who loves essential oils and roller derby. She also enjoys making, growing and birthing babies. She has one brilliant son and a tiny on the way.

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